Amor Fati

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.”

–Marcus Aurelius

I am not certain what I am doing with myself. When I was younger, I never really grasped the frivolous and chaotic nature of a human life. I always assumed that there were certain formulas to follow and you just chose what you thought was right for you, e.g. Go to college get a career, go to trade school learn a trade, have an idea and start your own business, play a sport, go pro, or semi-pro etc. I thought my parents, and other adults in my life would just help me go down a path that was “best” for me, and as long as I listened to them, I would be all good. However, life has proven to be full of surprises and clear cut formulas are not exactly fool proof.

When I was younger, I also thought my parents knew exactly what they were doing, that they had some inside adult knowledge of what life was, and how it should be lived. My parents were both constructive, loving and extremely good teachers. My mother shaped me into a virtuous and upstanding young adult and my father via his influence and example helped shape me into an articulate and confident individual. However, despite my parents being as good a pair of parents one could ask for, and despite the often, up and down, emotional roller coaster, that was my childhood, I realized when I was in my early twenties that neither one of my parents had some magical inside knowledge regarding life and how it is “supposed” to be lived. They were both just basically forging a life for themselves and me, out of nothing, out of decisions with no certainty, they forged it through pure will, intuition and wisdom. There were never any guarantees, there were never any certainties.

I realize now that life is what you make it in some respect, but it’s mostly not what YOU make happen in life all the time, but instead it’s a lot of what you DO with what happens to you in life. Life will impose itself on you, you individually are not completely shaping it, and no person truly ever knows what they are doing when they step out into the world. A well-rounded person can have a plan and goals, but life will twist them and turn them in so many directions at times, that a plan can seem trivial.  

Within this whirlwind of life, some of us work very hard at becoming better with each day. We work on our flaws to become someone more virtuous and more well-rounded. However, I don’t believe that each day is a continuation of the last. The system we live in, this man-made system, of work, family, money, bills, taxes, etc. may have it set up in a way that each new day seems to pick up where the last one left off, but that is not human reality picking up where it left off, because we have been in our own reality every waking moment we live, there is no “pause” for reality. Instead the, “picking up where it left off syndrome”, is simply the system restarting where WE left it off, and despite what we think, we are not bound by this “syndrome”. For us humans, each day is not a continuation, each new day is a brand-new opportunity.

The system may start back up where it was left but that is only because WE are the ones that make it move, we ourselves face it anew each time we step into the world. In this world, your work is never done, the system never ends, realize that each day isn’t a pause button, it’s a reset button for yourself even if it is a pause button for the system. Separate your mind from the system, from work, from social networking, from social media, and all the other instances of the system imposing itself on your psyche, and realize that you have each day to do well. If one day was bad, it matters not, because the next day is new for you, the system cannot dictate your mind, it may dictate your whereabouts, chunks of your time, and certain decisions, but it cannot impact your growth if you do not let it. Terrible things can happen to you within this system, you can be fired, demoted, get into a confrontation, be embarrassed, be rejected, be used, be treated poorly, but these occurrences are the nature of the beast. We gave up a chunk of our own humanity to live in a system like this and the best we can do is control what we can. We cannot control all of the negatives in life, but we can control our minds and how we react to them, we can react to the negatives with dignity, and hold a stoic stance when the system shows its ugly side.

I think most people make the mistake of thinking that our system of money, and bills, and work is “life”, when truly it is not. Quite simply, if we were to take the, “richest/most successful”, people in the world and put them naked in the Congo’s vast Rainforest, would the Rainforest care what their work is, what their name was? No, it would not, they would have to adapt or fail. The dilemma for humanity is that we have adapted so well that we have successfully changed our own environment, we’ve changed how the world itself works for us, but in reality, we are only in these little bubbles of modern civilization that cast a shadow over our true nature.  As an individual, I believe the system is rigged, it benefits mostly a set group of people in the world, but despite it’s corrupt nature, it can be adapted to none the less. I as a solitary person live within this system, it’s all I know, and if I am to survive in it, I must work, I must take care of myself, I must follow the laws, and I must cooperate with others, these are not things that are too much to ask, and as much as the system drills a hole through my ever lasting soul at times, a good presence of mind can keep me centered enough to not get swept up in it.

The trick is to understand that the system means something, but also it doesn’t mean anything, all at the same time. We live in it, it is how things work, but in reality, if humans collectively decided it was not the right way to approach life, it would be changed in an instant. This recent pandemic was a sign of the validity of this idea, for a few months the entire system came to a halt on a scale never seen before. People died, people suffered and people struggled and are still struggling because of it, however, did the world end? Did things really collapse into utter chaos? No, not at all, we just set up new rules, and adapted. We have to understand that we humans can do this anytime we please, individually and as a whole, we can change and adapt at will and shape something new. The system can only dictate as much as we allow it to.

We as a species adapted to a pandemic together. Our adaptation to the pandemic wasn’t necessarily a “hive mind” style adaptation to new conditions and not every individual participated the same way, but we still forged a new normal in a rather quick amount of time, all things considered. This is proof positive that the system is just a device, it’s not the be all end all, and it is not LIFE, WE humans are LIFE, WE are what came from the cosmic dust, WE are the result of the primeval atom and all the wondrous reality we slipped into as conscious beings.  The system was created as a way to regulate ourselves, the intentions were good, but presently we are seeing the symptoms of a sick humanity, a humanity that is made ill not just by biological illnesses but also by a disconnect from true reality, in favor of the system we forged.

All of this being said, my main point of writing this boils down to this, “Amor Fati”, Love of fate! This is a Latin term adopted by the Stoics that means, do not despair with what happens to you at every turn, but love what opportunity it brings. I do understand that some things in life like death, war, abuse, and other sources of horrendous pain can happen to innocent people and it is unfair. I do not think this term means to love everything that happens to you, but to love your journey. Negative incidents that are not in your control, will happen. Being human and feeling pain, anger or malcontent in the face of these incidents, is not wrong, but letting them dictate your entire next phase is a mistake. Your mind moves with you, it will run in place wildly as long as you let it, but it will not move an inch further without your will. Life can go so very wrong and this system usually plays a big part in manufacturing the ills you receive as a person. To combat these ills, we must be present, and understand that if something bad happened in the past, that the past is not the present and the future is not the past or present either. So, in regards to what you can control in your own mind and thoughts, it’s up to you to decide whether or not the past haunts you into your present and into your ultimate future. Healing from pain or loss can take time, but as long as we use the time to heal and not dwell, we are doing well for ourselves.

Furthermore, we may not achieve our dreams, reach our goals, become rich, or well liked or achieve a status we want, get the person we want etc., but that does not mean your fate is cursed. We TAKE what life brings us and shape it into what we want. We do not all start with the same circumstances, we do not all work with the same materials, but with a present mind and the realization that the system is just a nonexistent device, we can alleviate some pressures off of ourselves.

WE must realize that work is not for a paycheck, its for virtue, doing a good job should not be fueled by a reward but fueled by the idea that doing a good job means doing right by yourself, and representing yourself the best way you can, this virtue is more valuable than any amount of dollars you can receive, it is valuable to the real you,  even if it is useless to the you that you gave to the system. I understand that virtue can’t pay a bill, buy food for you and your family, or fund your dreams, but that is ok. I understand we need to do right by ourselves in the system and make moves that benefit us financially and economically etc. There is nothing wrong with that, but do not get lost in that system and forget about what you as an individual need within your natural mind.  There is a reason doing good feels pleasant naturally, it is built in to us to seek this goodness and to be virtuous. There is also a reason social media tends to cause negative feelings and people feel lost and over stimulated in the modern world at times, our minds are not naturally built to deal with the new phase of our system.

The machine we all collectively run, this system, this matrix, often consumes a chunk of us, but how big of a chunk it consumes, is entirely up to us as individuals. We all make the mistake of trying so hard to feed that part of ourselves that we gave to the system, that we forget to feed the real human part of ourselves, and it starves, and we become lost, and the only part left of ourselves is that part within the system. So, when something happens within said system, like being laid off, or a break-up or losing out on something, it hits us hard and we have no other piece of ourselves to tap into. Our whole world is seemingly absorbed by this system and if something goes wrong in it, it feels like our whole world is ending, it is the ultimate “putting all of your eggs in one basket”, scenario. That is why I say, Love Your Fate, understand that it is not WHAT happens to you, but how you shape those occurrences in life, it’s not the mistakes you make, the bad decisions you make , but how you rebound and learn from them, it’s not what you get out of something in terms of material or financial gain, but what ELSE you can take from a job, action, or goal.

Tap into the side of yourself you have not fed to the system and keep it healthy. If you do this, then when a mistake happens or things go wrong for you within the system, it will not devastate you or leave you feeling terrible, you can almost shrug it off, you can say it’s not the end of your world. That being said, some things in life are just unfair,for instance you or a loved one being born with an illness, being diagnosed with a disease or health complication, being debilitated or handicapped by an accident etc. Occurrences of this nature are out of your control a lot of the time, and when they happen, I imagine it is life changing. Dealing with this sort of fate requires even more strength than dealing with the system itself, so if you are healthy and able-bodied, be thankful for that alone every day. Also, if you are dealing with or have dealt with such a terrible fate, just know that the strength it takes to power through occurrences of that nature is inspiring, and finding a way to love your fate despite the dire negatives, is the ultimate victory.

I often ponder these ideas of reality vs the system, and I am not foolish enough to not understand that sometimes centering yourself and not getting lost in the system is easier said than done.For example, I imagine a man or woman who is the father/mother of 3 kids with a husband/wife who is ill and cannot take care of themselves. Now, this person cannot afford to lose their job, so they MUST put  A LOT of themselves into this system in order to assure the stability and security of their family, there is no room for failure here, there is no room for shrugging it off and saying, “oh well, it’s not he end of the world”, because others depend on him or her. However, even in scenarios like this, where you can’t afford to lose in the system, we must salvage a part of ourselves that means something. I think in cases such as this this, the security of ones family, of ones children and loved ones, is the humanity of it all, even though it seems that a person is committing their all to the system for the sake of their families well being, that human side, that virtue they get from working hard and succeeding is the fact that they are doing it not for themselves, but for their family, and hopefully when their time has come, they can have some time of solace to enjoy what they did for their family. However, we can take this even further, because what I just stated is one of the best-case scenarios. Plenty of people like this tend to lash out, be grumpy and treat their family poorly as a result of being over worked, stressed and under immense pressure, this is no excuse for that behavior, but as a person I understand how that type of pressure can make a person feel that way, so in this scenario the person I am speaking of is a virtuous person who despite the strenuous pressure of life still finds a way to be good to his or her family.

To continue, a person may live that hard working life and take care of their family  the best they can and still, raise up ungrateful children, and or be betrayed by their spouse, etcetera. So, they wonder why they are treated this way despite all that they’ve done, and the only solace I can see that can be taken from such a terrible fate is that during that journey, when they were working hard for those ungrateful people, THEY themselves were the ultimate symbol of virtue. If they have the mindset, of loving their fate despite the ills within it, and being their own witness, they are untouchable, unshakable, unmovable. Even though they spent their life working for people who ended up mistreating them, in the end their mindset is of stoic virtue rather than being focused on a certain outcome, and there is nothing that can take away the satisfaction they feel when remembering how hard they worked and how much they achieved. A mindset other than this will certainly lead to despair, but reshaping the mind, and understanding, “YES I worked for people who are ungrateful, but its MY work that is MY legacy, I need no witness , I am my own witness, I love my fate, I KNOW who I AM, I know what I DID, and no one can take that from me”. To me this mindset is the key, it’s the place I am trying to get to, because that same scenario can end many different ways, with the children being ungrateful or some grateful etc., but when it’s all said and done, what matters the most is the virtue. What matters is that you yourself know that you fed yourself in your true reality enough that no matter what the world gives you as your fate within the system, you have an unmovable state of consciousness that will always keep you centered, present and fully aware of what makes you unique and worthy.  

Love Thy Fate, not everyone has a great fate, not everyone has great luck, but it is theirs and it is unique. I still do not know exactly what I am doing in life,  but when I am asked what I believe my purpose in life is, I often respond with, “The Journey”, my purpose is to be present as much as I can and truly experience my journey. In reality it is always the journey rather than the destination that matters. It’s the present, the in between, the time it took to get to a supposed “end”, that gives you the most out of life. No matter if you are a superstar or a poor person with no notoriety, a pro athlete or a person who only ever made it past junior high school level sports, in the end, you can see the virtue in your life and say that your life’s journey was well spent because you love your fate. Take solace in the fact that you allow yourself to be present and truly experience life, without totally depending on a system, without needing a specific goal to be achieved. If you do it for the sake of virtue, there is no losing, there is only a beginning, a journey to be had, and the inevitable end that we ALL go through. So, when it is all said and done you must love your fate, you must understand that life is a romantic phenomenon, something finite and fragile, and loving your fate rather than finding reasons to bemoan it, can only make you stronger in the end.

Thank you for taking time to read this.

Written by: Marcos Lopez, 5/27/2020