“External things are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.”

–Marcus Aurelius

In this time of separation and “social distancing”, I think it is important to reflect on some of the daily occurrences we are taking a break from while we have time to actually step-back from it and view it from a state of meditation and reflection rather than analyzing it in the moment.  One of the daily occurrences we are taking a break from for the most part is social interaction. Most of us often go through our daily routines, and only uncontrollable nuances are typically different, but all in all we are still in the midst of our predetermined route in our daily lives. We get so muddled down with the routine of being a cog in a machine that stops for no individual. As a part of such a machine we can become jaded to our true reality and see life through an almost monotone palette of routine and monotonous responsibilities.  

With our current situation and most people having to stay home and out of routine, I have been reflecting on my daily life as it was before the COVID pandemic. One of the matters that crossed through my mind was the seemingly popular dislike of interacting with other people more than one would like. Most people I have spoken to before have mostly expressed unfavorable views regarding having to hoist themselves out into the world and deal with people. People who work healthcare, retail or food service jobs often confide in me with statements along the lines of, “I like what I do, but you have not experienced stress at a job until you have worked in healthcare/retail/food service, people can be nightmares to deal with!”.

I myself am not a big fan of dealing with a lot of people, most people are fine, just normal people going throughout their day, but many times you will run into inconsiderate and entitled people. These negative encounters really make you want to just stay home and not deal with anyone. No matter if it is at work, while out running errands or out on the town, other people can really ruin your mood. Some people relish being out and about and are just extroverts to the max, but I find those people to be much rarer than the typical person who just wants to keep to their own business and get back to the comfort of their home once they’ve achieved or done what they set out to do in the public world.

Previous to COVID-19 and how it has changed our lives, it was often hard to take a step back and really look at how we can approach each day of interacting with others and make it a better experience for us because we were caught up in our routine grind. We now have that chance to reflect and take a step back as most of us are staying in our homes and “social distancing”, without having very many obligations to go out at all.

So now that we can really try and digest social interaction from afar and think about how WE as people deal with it and how we can do better dealing with it, where do we even start? Well…. Marcus Aurelius has a quote where he states, “External things are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.”, so as in all things worth fixing about our behaviors, viewpoints, habits and tendencies, we must start in our minds!

Like the Stoics we must move through wisdom by being unmoved. I understand my friends and acquaintances sentiments regarding society at large, it’s aflame with nonsense, trivial negativity, trivial matters, terrible ideas and selfish people. However, when trying to figure out how to remain unmoved in the face of these social discomforts I look to my knowledge of Stoicism. As a Stoic I must walk through those flames (social discomfort), and though it burns, remain unmoved. I know it will burn and I know I must walk through it, so why react, just endure. For most people, there is no running from dealing with others if you are trying to be a contributing and productive member of your society in order to take care of yourself and your family, so why even fret, it’s either deal with it or hide away and if we hide away we cannot be dismayed when things do not go our way.

In our current social construct, we are forced to interact with others in order to achieve and be productive, whether it is at work, or at the store or trying to run an errand, etcetera, we will most likely have to deal with others a great deal. If this is the way our society is and how it operates, we must adapt as modern people and be strong within the construct that our society places us in. We cannot change the fact that we have to cooperate with others, so why let it bother us? Instead adapt and become bold to it. Those negative interactions should meet an unmoved force, the sting of it seemingly nullified by a sturdy controlled mind and stoic demeanor. What I mean by this is that we have to just toughen ourselves up to the inevitable negativity we will face with others, I don’t mean being a ‘robot” , emotionless and cold either, I think it’s a fine balance of showing empathy and care, but also having others understand that you will not tolerate mistreatment and that getting a rise out of you is hopeless because that sort of thing just is not going to work on you. A mindset like this takes time, effort and failure, like all things worth attaining it will be hard and take plenty of work.

I think I have improved being around people, I am naturally a big-time introvert, however if you met me you would not be able to tell anymore. I speak clearly, and I do not shy away from interaction. I confront social interaction head on and use humor and wit, as modestly and articulately as possible, doing my best to not be overbearing and try not to overdo it as well. The key for me is that, as long as I am just being myself, know my own virtue, and know my personal philosophy, I will be fine no matter how much it burns or causes discomfort. Furthermore, when the negativity comes from social interaction, I cannot let the negative factors occupy any space in my mind. It’s great to get through social interactions well enough, but if we let any negativity stemming from the interaction seep into our minds, we will carry it with us and it becomes a new problem later, just reconcile it, accept it and do not let it dwell within you.

I know, this  way of operating is way easier said than done, like I’ve said, I myself struggle with trying not to be annoyed by the myriad of nonsense I’m bombarded with throughout a week, but the key is to know what you’re trying to achieve and work at it every day. This process of work and improvement will lead you to a better place. One of the fundamental exercises of classic stoicism is voluntarily placing yourself in uncomfortable situations, now I take this as maybe interacting with someone you know but typically do not speak with, in a pleasant way for a brief moment even though you don’t feel like it or something along those lines. I don’t think it means put yourself in a bad or dangerous situation.

So, anyone reading this that generally dislikes social interaction might find it beneficial to try to improve on it next time they find themselves interacting with someone. Also, it would do good to remember that we will sometimes get negative interactions even when we ourselves are trying to be better, but we cannot control, what we cannot control. We cannot control others behaviors and reactions, but as long as we know our own virtue and we are trying to be the best us and give the world a positive us, that is all we can hope to achieve.

Side Note: Be cognizant of who you interact with. If a person seems, “off”, then politely avoid interaction. Stay aware and always trust your own gut feelings regarding people. I like the idea of interacting with random people to help fulfill the exercise but there are also other factors to consider when being out amongst strangers. I know this is somewhat conflicting but it’s all part of the balancing act, we just have to do our best. Thank you for reading.

Written By: Marcos Lopez 4/14/2020